Monday, November 13, 2017

Keys To My Heart

Being told to "map myself", was sort of a perplexing concept for me to grasp. I thought to myself, "How can I map myself...?". Usually, I probably would not take an assignment so seriously but I honestly thought that this was an important thing to do. I came to my own personal conclusion that mapping myself out would force me to think deeply about myself. Why am I the way that I am? Why do I think about things in the way that I do? What makes me who I am? I decided to try to find these truths about myself, and capture them in my map of myself.

Starting from my head down, my picture gradually gets deeper and deeper into my heart and soul. I have multicolored curls, both very curly and poofy. The hair itself is only literal, being that that's how it looks naturally. On the right side of my hair, I have golden glitter stars, and different variations of purple and pink flowers. These stars and flowers represent how my individuality is shown in my hair, even though they seemingly do not belong. They portray my feelings of displacement in the world..

My army green eyes in the picture, capture the beauty of my eyes in real life. In my left eye there is a pink starfish looking thing. In my other eye there is an orange sun. I see the world in pink and orange. Pink is subtle and orange is radical. Like how I have a dual understanding of the world, partially orange, and partially orange. Under my right eye, there are tears. The tears are representative of my life in the past. I put the tears on the right side because the orange sun (radical perspective) helps me to understand why a lot of things happened in the past; I have a sunny perspective of things that made me cry before.

On my chin I have stripes. In Isaiah 53:5, the bible says, "..By HIS stripes we are healed." So relating to the pain of the past.. I am healed and delivered through Jesus Christ. But when Jesus healed me, he replaced heartbreak with himself inside of me, and I am a different person today. So the stripes also show me now; I have multiple parts and layers, so you could also say that the stripes are representative of my many dimensions as a person... that I found in being connected to God.

As well as dimensional, I wanted to display my complexities as a person. On my right shoulder there is a collage of swirls. I purposely made the swirls go in various directions, and have different sizes. I personally, feel like that's how I am as a person. I can be a bit temperamental, and I am that way because I'm so complex. It's difficult for me, myself, to even understand the depth of my intricacy. This complexity that I have often leads me to utter disappointment, frustration, and stress, when things are not done the way I need them to be done (which is sometimes unobtainable), but wholly I believe that's part of what makes me who I am. It's beautiful.. so I put glitter on some parts. I put my complexities on my shoulder because the bible also talks about how Jesus was to have the government on his shoulders.. governments are a heavy load to carry, the same as my complexities.

I have a big heart placed on the right side of my chest, instead of on the left like it's supposed to be. The placement of my heart is a representation of my heart and it's morality. I try to do things in a way that's the way it should morally be done, and I have a lot of love that to give. I draw my personal morality from the Word Of God.. the bible. My heart has a cross dead in the center of it. It's my goal to have Jesus as the center of my life, that's what causes my heart to be big, my tears to be dried by the sun in my eyes, and that's where the stillness that prevents my complexities from overtaking me comes from. I have this in heart that I know I can't handle alone and I use arrows to show that I leave those things at the cross. Rooting from the cross are gifts that God gives me beyond the gifts that fulfill my physiological needs. I also have black spaces and white spaces inside of my heart. The white parts are open for like my children, and husband, and other things I go through out life, and learn to love other things and people. The black parts are my dark parts.. like my internal issues within myself.

I enjoyed trying to map myself, and honestly I could say so much more.. but we can consider the other parts "silences within the map" ;)

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Language WOK Reflection

I believe that my group did a great job on explaining how language works as a way of knowing. We started off by discerning between language, communication, and speech. Language is following a specific set of rules defining speech. We discussed the possible origins of language, and what the world would be like without language.

We posed questions, that encouraged good class conversation. I feel that my classmates were truly intrigued by the presentation. It was a great idea to start with the language charades game. We got the class involved from the beginning of the lesson. I also feel that the videos were key elements to our success in the presentation. The videos tied together what had been said, and further extended our points.

I think Eva did a good job at orchestrating, specifically in making sure our timing was good. We literally finished at 3:10 which was impeccable, and wouldn't have happened without Eva. Nykia was very knowledgeable in the origins of language. She did a great job at formulating class discussion questions. Rebekah kept the class upbeat with her useful comments. Finally, Gabe was did a good job working on the powerpoint.

I know that we're always supposed to have "room for improvement" and all of that blah blah blah... but honestly I didn't see any need for improvement in any area. I feel that our presentation hit every point that it needed to, and it also avoided meaningless elements. Every aspect had value to it. I don't believe that there was a need to add or take out anything. If there was, I was oblivious to it. I thought it went great.

Most importantly, our group worked well together. From each person deciding what they were interested in researching, to us tying all of our information together, to the flowing organization of the powerpoint, to how we all took turns in explaining, answering questions, and teaching about our area of specified knowledge, we truly worked well together. We all came together on one accord to get the work done, and that's what made our project have a successful outcome.

Being the teacher for the day was not something that thoroughly enjoyed, but it wasn't dreadful or anything. I didn't reveal anything about me to myself... as far as I'm concerned.. but either way the project was very good.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Heartbreak to Hard work

I believe that heartbreak fuels hard work. One of my favorite people in the world is my uncle Tyler. I've always loved him so much. He knows how to make me smile no matter what. I figured he'd always be here in my life. You know, here when I graduate high school, college, and grad school, when I get married, when I have a baby, and I'd always thought that he would just be there whenever I felt the urge to be around him. Sadly, that's not the case.

It broke my heart when I found out that I can't just pick up the phone, and dial his number whenever I want to. It shattered me inside to know that I may not see this man's sweet face for years and years and years to come... if ever.

I remember that Monday morning in June. I got up 6 am and got dressed. A good portion of my family and close family friends loaded up to head to the the Fulton County court. I was nervous, but I was hopeful. I headed to my seat on the third row.

Then they brought him out. Chained up like a dog, in a dreadfully, ugly, orange jumpsuit, appeared my uncle escorted by a bulky bailiff. This sight instantly broke me down, piece by piece.

The verdict rang in my ears, my heart probably stopped, my eyes were red as blood, and my face was gross and moist. I'll never forget that day, a seed of everlasting hurt was planted in me that day. But, the thing is God turned it around.

I remember many things that my uncle told me, things that he wanted for me, hopes that he had for my life. I may not be able to feel his presence but, his remembering his words brings a warmth to my soul. I decided not to let that bring me down or to hold me down. Instead I keep my head up and smile like my Uncle Tyler told me to.

I haven't always been a very motivated person, I was indifferent to a lot of things. That seed of hurt and bitterness was supposed to make me quit and feel as if I couldn't go on. But instead my memories of him and the words that he inscribed on my heart watered that seed with hope and determination. It grows fruits of success, ability, and a will to never quit or slow down. My uncle isn't in the position to be my happiness anymore, but I can certainly be a fraction of his. He told me, see the world, and not to be bogged down by the chains that life sometimes tries to capture you in.

I've found that when you put the energy from being heartbroken into being a hard worker, you can make things happen. I strive to continuously give my all and, I know that this is what would make my uncle Tyler proud, I know that my life can be an encouragement to him. I miss him a lot.. but maybe it's better this way. I wouldn't be who I am today without the hard work that stemmed from my heartbreak.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

A Breakdown of Fear: and a Solution.

Fear is a very dimensional emotion. When defining fear you cannot just use one definition because, it has multiple meanings.

 The fear that makes your heart race is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat. This type of fear is synonymous with words such as; panic, alarm, frightened, worry, and phobia. *I'm going to refer to this as Type 1 fear*

The fear defined as reverence and dread is more of a respectful or honorable type of emotion. " The love and fear of God. " *Type 2*

A feeling of anxiety concerning the well-being of others is another domain of fear. *Type 3*

The last notable form of "fear" is the likelihood of something unwelcoming happening. This is the fear of chance, prospect, possibility, or risk. *Type 4*

Naturally, every man has instinctive awareness. I mean no sane person will run out in front of a car that they know is moving. Does that mean you fear you moving car? Not necessarily, that's more of a common sense thing. Fear excludes practical dangers because rational fear promotes human survival.

The thing about fear is, it's holds you back. It causes you to lose opportunities, sleep, and sometimes even yourself. Fear is pointless. You can't stop the inevitable, so why fear it? Living in fear isn't really living at all because you are confined to your box of fear. 

So what if I told you that the remedy to fear is.. fear. Type 1, Type 3, and Type 4 fear are all brought under subjection through Type 2 fear.

The fear and admonishment of The Lord will cease every sliver of fear that dwells within you. 

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. -1 John 4:18

For I am The LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do no fear; I will help you. -Isaiah 41:13

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God whose word I praise- in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? - Psalms 56: 3-4

God has not made us to be a people of fear but to be a people of bravery, a peculiar people. By having confidence in God, that he will help you through all things and the certainty that all things work together for those who love the Lord, whom or what shall you fear? No one and no thing other than God himself. 

The fear of The Lord leads to life, So that one may sleep satisfied, untouched by evil. -Proverbs 19:23

Fear not the things and happenings of this world and live your life in reverence to God. There is a better life in Type 2 fear. Type 1, 3, and 4 fear will make your life difficult. 

Sunday, September 25, 2016

IF Beautification Makes You Happy.. BEAUTIFY Yourself!

The picture posted above is a natural face and a "beat" face comparison. I think both pictures are beautiful! Naturally, every human has undeniable God given beauty. Conversely, many ladies wear makeup to highlight and add to their natural attributes. I think it is important to examine the differences in the two images above. The woman looks happier in the second image, like more empowered looking. Her complexion is literally glowing. Her eyes look noticeably brighter. Her facial structure is more defined. Her smile is even bigger.

Only four percent of women around the world consider themselves beautiful. Believe it or not, this a doubled increase from just two percent in 2004. 80 percent of women agree that every woman has something about her that is beautiful, but do not see their own beauty.

I gather that majority of women wear makeup because of those facts. I am not the individual to advocate against wearing makeup, weave, or anything of that nature. Matter of fact, if a female believes makeup makes them look or  feel better and more secure in themselves, why not wear it? I support and recommend the usage of beautification methods.

Opposers of "Enhancement" (often parents, old people, hippies and people with irrelevant opinions, etc.) have many arguments against adornment. "You only wear all that to cover up.", "You are beautiful without it, why wear it?", " You have naturally pretty hair. You don't need to straighten it, or wear hair that did not physically grow out of your head.", " You look like a clown with all that on.", "Your nails are too long." Where these arguments fail at (many times but, not every time) is when those individuals argue against what they THINK is the purpose of it all.

Aha! What IS really a woman's purpose in all that she does to primp herself pretty? Her sole purpose is to be content with herself and her appearance. Not for you, but for HER. The fact that her little boo, her friends, her sisters, her mom, and random strangers compliment her on what she does and how she looks only adds to her satisfaction with herself. When her pleasure within herself is met, whatever anyone else has to say about it, is literally meaningless.

Lots of women enjoy putting on makeup, curling their hair, and painting their nails because it's really calming and can be relaxing. It gives you time to think. The art of beauty has the same effect as any other form of art.

Her natural beauty obviously consists of those unique freckles, that fiery red/ auburn hair, her beautiful eyebrows and those captivating, oceanic blue eyes of hers. She is already a whole masterpiece. When you add the hair and face in image two, this woman looks absolutely FIERCE! This sorcery has to be talked about. Notice the contour on her nose, her nose actually appears to be smaller in image two if you examine closely. Her face looks slimmer in image two also. Look at her lip color in image two.. I have so many heart eyes for that. I'm all the way here for it. Her curls are POPPING. It's literally perfection. That is what happens when the art of beauty is mastered.

Ladies, let those people who have negative things to say talk. You just continue to slay and do what makes YOU happy ; ) Float your own boat babes!

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Stressful Life

Life is such a challenge, I struggle often, on a daily basis.

The expectation that everyone has for people my age is vast. Mothers expect you to wash the dishes, clean the entire house, score a 150 on every assignment, have good hair days everyday, dress nicely, be well behaved, cook dinner, and tell her she is beautiful all within the few wee hours of a day.

When you don't accomplish all of that (which you will not), you have to deal with angry mother. An angry mother is a terrible, horrible thing. A terrible, horrible thing that is inevitable because the expectation is not attainable.

Friends want you go out every weekend, make them laugh, text back quickly, let them borrow stuff, and even help them with their work when you are struggling yourself.

Yet another impractical expectation. If you have an angry mother, you are not going out.

Teachers literally want the most. They seem to forget that their class is not the only class you have. They want you to study, read the chapters, comprehend the chapters, write papers quickly, spend 3 hours studying and doing homework specifically for their class, do thick acorn packets, think deeply, write grammatically correct, take 4 pages of notes 5 days a week, some of the teachers even want you to speak in a language that you do speak.

To fulfill all of the teachers desires would take a miracle. I am not a miracle worker. Trying to complete what I feel is impossible is extremely stressful. I do not doubt that I will have grey hairs soon.

Obviously, it impossible to please all of these people and to do all of  the tasks at hand. That means I can't achieve the expectation. Failure is stressful, failure makes me sick to my stomach. Sickness stresses me out also. If I get sick and miss school, how is it even possible to catch up. Playing catch up is probably the most stressful thing to endure.

A good number of my sophomore friends have either Chemistry or AP Macro, a junior class and a college level class. those two alone are said to be 2 of the most rigorous classes you can take. Macro is for sure, literally less than 45 people are enrolled in it this semester. That class is a major factor to my stress. The expectation to even pass McCormick's next exam haunts me daily.

There are only 24 hours in a day, it's often not a lack of ability, but of time and energy. There is literally only so much a person can hold in their mind, only so much you can remember, only so much you can complete.

It's pretty clear that I am failing at life according to everyone else's standards and expectations. But on the bright side I'm only failing my own standards by a little bit.

My personal goals are to simply give my best effort at everything I do, always smell good, eat good, look at least a little bit presentable, have a clean room, and to try to live for the Lord on a daily basis. I do all that at least somewhat well.. and some things things are better than others.

When everything/everybody stresses you out, try to find contentment, motivation to keep striving for better, and reasons to be happy anyway. Because I mean.. am I dead? Not physically, just on inside, that's always good.

Maybe one day I'll be really successful and all my stress will have paid off. If not, then.. it will all be for nothing *inserts smiley emoji*.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

The Effects of Social Media

Social media has a very high popularity level, right now. We use it for everything. From learning new things, to watching funny videos, to tweeting our opinions, to basically vlogging our everyday lives on Snapchat, we are continouslyusing social media.

It's too the point now where many people are addicted to social media. Is it that even healthy? I mean, when has addiction ever been good? It has not and is not.

Within the realms of social media many bad things happen. In 2012 at least 9 teenage suicides were linked to cyber-bullying.

 Along with that people lose their jobs for saying and doing idiotic things that employers wouldn't know about if it were not for social media. Children get in trouble for sending and saying things that they have no business saying or doing on social media also.

Every summer, after a few black lives are lost due to "coincidental" self defense shootings, by sketchy white officers, social media goes wild. Now the situation is already bad but, when people ignorantly speak out on Twittter, Instagram, Snapchat and whatever else, that only makes the situation worse

Social media can potentially ruin relationships with friends, family, or co-workers. People make images of themselves on social media that are not true, and who wants to deal with a fake? 

Social media also creates problems within people. When people don't get their desired amount of views, retweets, likes, or comments it bothers them inside. It lowers self-esteem and self worth. 

Social media is also a major distraction. I personally suffer from this. When I know I should be doing schoolwork or reading the bible or doing my hair, any important thing, I find myself scrolling through Instagram, Retweeting, watching people's stories, snapping my streaks, among other things. 

If I weren't involved in social media, I'm positive I'd be a more productive individual. I am also sure that many people would agree. 

Social media has it's pros of course but maybe, just maybe, the cons outweigh the pros. Social media is more detrimental to society than it is beneficial to society.